Thursday, November 12, 2009





That was all work in progress but now its done so its hard to go backwards...

sunset




AH, the never ending guilt....I spent many afternoons in my studio racing through my work- just to get it done and then I would look up and it was late- sunset late!!! What a dreaded moment- to leave the space of creative self indulgence, rush home, have a toddler stuck to my leg, a teenager telling me some incomprehensable story, a bewildered partner who had been out done by the aformentioned ofsprings......then feeding the masses etc etc etc etc etc etc ....at the same time - I couldn't live without them. BUt how to balance it all?


And then somehow a simple piano gets a room of its own- This is definitely my favourite illustration from my silly little book. My lovely 9 year old assistant drew the little fish which ended up a trophy and my step son slaved over cutting out of the books- while he was suspended from school. He could have been doing much worse things...but instead he was hanging out with his evil step mother in the studio. He just doesn't fit into the institution- I fully understand that as I was always the quiet yet still square peg....there's something about lining up and waiting for someone else to decide what I am allowed to do......
luckily I don't have that problem in the Temple where I line up for my lunch, or my chanting book ( in Chinese which I don't understand) ...anyway, that was a tangent. I guess it's just another form of side tracking...which by the way has been going really well.
It seems some puppets have demanded I make them in the last few weeks....the less time I have the more things keep coming out of my funny brain and transforming themselves into a real material object.

It's quite lovely to find you can do something you never thought you could, it could be as simple as drawing a piano.....but I have just learnt that you are only left in the dark if you never try it. After all no one is watching when you take a pen to paper in yourown creative space and then.....draw something.....the mystery of where the stuff comes from is not one I will try and attempt to understand. Just as in Buddhism the question of God is almost irrelevant. There might be one or not - Buddha is certainly just a man who found a pretty cool way to live - with some hard work and it's this that he represents- SELF RELIANCE.
I like it!

Sunday, November 8, 2009




Ahh, that afternoon light- it even works on windows that are not even real!

Monday, November 2, 2009





Things did seem so simple at the begining...I thought to myself - I know I'll just draw some rain and see what happens...but the rain was not wet enough, not shiny enough...as my daughter says- I'M NOT HAPPY - with the materials but I didn't dare go back to the art supply shop to spend more money on some abstract dream...luckily the next day I was waiting for a bus next to the local opportunity shop . There is was- the answer- a whole big tray of make up, with little brushes, sparkly cosmetics and what nots( I'm not really an expert in this field) and for only $5- how could I resist ! And it served me well - I used up all the different potions, nail polish etc and especially the mascara with it's lovely thin brush- I highly recommend it as a tool!!!


Have you even surprised your self so much you can not belive that what you have done is actually done by you?
I certainly have- a very odd thing happened to me when pictures began to emerge from under my pen.
As I actually can't draw, it was never on my radar.
I have always used paint or pencli to do a part of a job- decoratively or with some other creative project but never sat down and drew a cow- or if I did - she would have not been a pretty cow- or even an ugly cow ...
As a child I drew of course- the standard European girl stuff - namely princesses, castles etc...lots of hand made cards for Babcia( Polish Grandmother ) so I honestly don't know what came over me to decide to illustrate a book.
I guess like any naive and innexperienced person I just didn't think about it, just ran with the idea.
I was really a woman possessed- but by what? Stupidity, optimism ? or may be those post baby hormones......? I don't like to dwell on it that much but sometimes I look at this book and think- who did this? How did it happen?
I can only equate it to a state I fall into when meditating SAMARDHI - there are many levels of this state and in meditation I have only cracked the first few levels. At least I can't feel my leg going to sleep anymore or only when I get back to THIS world and find I can't feel it.......but it is a very similar state to when a little creative nymph takes hold of my consciousness and plays around with it.
It definately feels like I have nothing to do with whatever is going on...I like it just as much as meditation. Both take me to places I really can not imagine and I have a pretty big imagination so it's very exciting...but as my teacher Venerable Yao says- don't have expectations of an out come.
There is definately something in that - she is a wise woman and I certainly see the close link between me studying meditation and suddenly feeling free to do things I have never dared before.............a little bit of Samardhi magic