Monday, November 2, 2009
Have you even surprised your self so much you can not belive that what you have done is actually done by you?
I certainly have- a very odd thing happened to me when pictures began to emerge from under my pen.
As I actually can't draw, it was never on my radar.
I have always used paint or pencli to do a part of a job- decoratively or with some other creative project but never sat down and drew a cow- or if I did - she would have not been a pretty cow- or even an ugly cow ...
As a child I drew of course- the standard European girl stuff - namely princesses, castles etc...lots of hand made cards for Babcia( Polish Grandmother ) so I honestly don't know what came over me to decide to illustrate a book.
I guess like any naive and innexperienced person I just didn't think about it, just ran with the idea.
I was really a woman possessed- but by what? Stupidity, optimism ? or may be those post baby hormones......? I don't like to dwell on it that much but sometimes I look at this book and think- who did this? How did it happen?
I can only equate it to a state I fall into when meditating SAMARDHI - there are many levels of this state and in meditation I have only cracked the first few levels. At least I can't feel my leg going to sleep anymore or only when I get back to THIS world and find I can't feel it.......but it is a very similar state to when a little creative nymph takes hold of my consciousness and plays around with it.
It definately feels like I have nothing to do with whatever is going on...I like it just as much as meditation. Both take me to places I really can not imagine and I have a pretty big imagination so it's very exciting...but as my teacher Venerable Yao says- don't have expectations of an out come.
There is definately something in that - she is a wise woman and I certainly see the close link between me studying meditation and suddenly feeling free to do things I have never dared before.............a little bit of Samardhi magic