Wednesday, December 9, 2009

And there it is...the final product- that weird object of six months spent.
The questions that go with it- not even the big questions of- was it worth it? Does it have any meaning? No, not those but rather ....the one which is always on my mind- is what I do legitimate? And if so in what way? The big problem for me is that creativity suddenly feels so indulgent. When my daughter cried and said - please Mama, don't go to the studio today! Should I have said ( to an emotional and tired two and a half year old- mind you ) no, mama has IMPORTANT work to do.??!!
But really it's not- I'm not saving the world and I'n not a film star who says ...I have been so blessed...that I can do what I love.

After all most people can do what they love - if they find out what that is.

My little book is an indulgence, it's just some silly story from my head which ended up on paper, and then I had loads of creative fun paying with colour, texture, paint and fabric and glue and stickers....just like a child. After all it is a story of my childhood- I always made up games ( I invented the dragon tree- yes, I was famous- on Harcerska street anyway )and kids were always asking me what they should do, how they should play- so I didnt even write any original idea I just remembered my childhood.
Well, I guess its natural when you have a child you look back of your life. When my step kids arrived in my life I was trying to recount how it was to think like an 8 or 12 old and now I'm going back in time again after having the little biological arrival. So really I not only cheated about my idea I also had far too much fun to call it work. So creativity not really a blessing but rather a challengo of how to justify it.

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